A truly healthy family isn't about who listens to whom, but about you having your life and me having my boundaries. Self-differentiation means I am me, you are you, and parents are parents. I can love you, but I still have my own choices, rhythm, and direction. The most important thing about parental love is not intimacy, but allowing you to become an independent person. When you truly succeed in differentiation, the whole family will breathe a sigh of relief.