台湾网红 77 老大 这段关于单身的独白，以及他给单身女性的一些建议，本身是有道理的。

但猫哥想说一句：
猫哥有一些不一样的看法，也有一个更深一层的解读。

因为说实话，这个视频——讲得还不够深。

先说一句可能不太好听的话：
有些人，真的不配拥有一段亲密关系。

为什么这么说？
别急，猫哥慢慢跟你们讲。

无论你是单身，还是正在一段关系中；
无论你是男生，还是女生——

有件事是必须做的：
你得先把“一个人的生活”过好。

你要能一个人生活得很好，

一个人也能感到幸福，

能照顾好自己——
不只是生活层面，更是情绪和内在层面的自洽。

只有这样的人，
才更适合、也更有概率，
遇到一个真正能让你幸福的另一半。

反过来说，
如果你自己还不成熟，
很需要别人来照顾你、填补你；
如果你找另一半，只是因为你害怕孤独——

那猫哥直说：
你并不适合谈恋爱，
也几乎不可能找到一个真正适合你的伴侣。

猫哥说这个，不是理论，是亲身经历。
我曾经有一位前女友，
她非常害怕孤独，
所以希望我每天忙完，都必须去陪她。

当然，一开始在甜蜜期的时候，一切都很好。
（说实话，所有恋爱在甜蜜期都是美好的。）
但甜蜜期一过，问题就开始出现了：
争执、吵架、拉扯，一次比一次多。

最后，我们还是分手了。
不是不爱了，

而是关系里的爱，被一点点消耗干净了。

为什么会这样？

核心原因只有一个：

不成熟的人，是没有边界感的。

在关系里，你永远是“索取”的那一方，
而不是“给予”的那一方。

短期来看，这确实没问题：

有新鲜感，也会让人觉得可爱。

但你要明白——

你的“需要”，本质上是在要求对方为你改变。

而感情里，

最大的杀手，就是试图把对方改造成你想要的样子。

最终不管结果如何，结局都不会好。

如果对方真的因为你改变了，

你会觉得无聊、厌烦，

最后还是会分手。

如果对方没有改变，

而你还在不断要求、拉扯，

那你们就会持续内耗，

结局同样是分手。

所以猫哥想说一句很重要的话：

一个人，无论男女，

如果你想拥有一段好的恋爱、一段健康的关系，

请先学会独处，先学会爱自己。因为你能足够爱自己，你才有多余的爱去分给别人

你要能独立生活，

而且把生活过得很好。

只有这样的人，才真正适合去谈恋爱。去拥有一段关系

真正好的恋爱，是会滋养你的。

简单点说就是：

两个人在一起，

会让你觉得生活更有希望，

日子更明亮、更稳、更踏实。

而不是每天在家里病态地争吵，

相爱相杀，那种病态的依恋，终有一天因为一个人无法忍受而结束

且会把本来就不容易的生活，

搞得鸡飞狗跳、一地鸡毛。

The Taiwanese influencer 77 Lao Da’s monologue about being single, as well as his advice to single women, does make sense.

But I want to say this:
I have a different perspective—and a deeper interpretation.

To be honest, that video doesn’t go deep enough.
Let me say something that might not sound very pleasant at first:

Some people are simply not ready—or qualified—to be in an intimate relationship.

Why do I say that?
Don’t worry, let me explain slowly.

Whether you are single or already in a relationship,
whether you are a man or a woman—
There is one thing you must do first:

You have to learn how to live your life well on your own.
You should be able to live well alone,
feel happy on your own,

and take good care of yourself—

Not only in daily life,

but also emotionally and internally, with real self-alignment and stability.

Only people like this
are truly more likely
to meet a partner who can bring them genuine happiness.
On the other hand,

if you are still emotionally immature,
if you constantly need someone else to take care of you or fill your emptiness;

if you look for a partner simply because you are afraid of being alone—

Then I’ll be very direct:

You are not suitable for a relationship,
and it will be extremely difficult for you to find a truly compatible partner.

This isn’t theory—it’s personal experience.
I once had an ex-girlfriend

who was deeply afraid of being alone.
She expected me to be with her every day after I finished work.

Of course, at the beginning—during the honeymoon phase—everything felt great.

To be honest, every relationship feels good during the honeymoon phase.

But once that phase passed, problems started to surface:

arguments, conflicts, emotional tug-of-war—again and again.
In the end, we broke up.

Not because we didn’t love each other anymore,
but because the love in the relationship
had been slowly worn away.

Why did this happen?
There is only one core reason:
Immature people lack boundaries.

In a relationship,
they are always the one who “asks” or “takes,”
rather than the one who gives.

In the short term, this doesn’t seem like a big problem.
There’s novelty, and it can even feel cute.
But you need to understand this:

Your “needs” are, in essence,
demands for the other person to change for you.
And in relationships,

the biggest killer is trying to reshape someone into the person you want them to be.

No matter how it turns out,
the ending is rarely a good one.

If your partner actually changes to meet your expectations,

you’ll eventually feel bored, dissatisfied, and leave.
If they don’t change,

and you keep pushing, demanding, and pulling,
both of you will fall into constant emotional exhaustion—

And the relationship will still end.

So here is the most important thing I want to say:

No matter your gender,

if you want a healthy, fulfilling relationship,
you must first learn how to be alone and how to love yourself.

Because only when you truly love yourself
will you have surplus love to give to someone else.
You must be able to live independently
and live well.

Only then are you truly ready
to enter a relationship.

A genuinely good relationship should nourish you.

Simply put:

Being together should make life feel more hopeful,
brighter, steadier, and more grounded.

Not a life filled with constant, unhealthy arguments at home;

not a toxic, love–hate dynamic,
or a pathological form of attachment

that will eventually end because one person can no longer endure it.

Otherwise, you end up turning an already difficult life
into complete chaos.