Why should I be nice to you?

Chinese people value “reciprocity.” When dealing with others, as long as we are polite and friendly, the other party will also treat us with kindness; if we are rude to others, they will not respect us.

Deep inside everyone, there is a “fairness scale,” “Give what you want to receive,” “You respect me a foot, I respect you a yard,” “Debt should be repaid,” "If you are ruthless, I will be even more ruthless"⋯ ⋯

The “principle of reciprocity” in life is reflected as: when others give to you, you give back; when others deprive you, you find ways to deprive others; when others doubt you, you start doubting others; when others love you, you begin to love others.

The “principle of reciprocity” can effectively enhance influence. In real life, it means: before seeking help from others, help them with a small favor first, which greatly increases the likelihood of receiving help in return.

The reason why the principle of reciprocity works is because it taps into others’ sense of indebtedness. No one wants to owe favors, so they are more likely to agree to requests from those who have helped them.

For example, in supermarket tastings, the principle of reciprocity is used. If you try the samples given by store staff, you are more likely to buy the products they recommend. Similarly, fruit vendors often prepare samples for customers to taste; after tasting, customers are more likely to make a purchase.

Although the principle of reciprocity is useful, it is not applicable to everyone or every situation.

For instance, if you like a girl and pursue her, suddenly giving a valuable gift may backfire. Because such a gift can create a sense of obligation, and if she accepts it, it might imply she is willing to accept you, which can cause significant psychological pressure. If she refuses your gift, she might distance herself from you.

In daily life and work, understanding how to use psychological strategies of reciprocity—making timely concessions and asking for some return—can bring more benefits. Such strategies are better than confrontational “hard tactics.”

A salesperson signed a large order, but the client demanded delivery half a month before the scheduled opening.

Due to changes in the client’s company, the client called and asked, “Can you deliver a week earlier? Because our company has moved up the opening date.”

At this moment, the salesperson thought: Although the delivery date is a week earlier than in the contract, the goods are already prepared in the warehouse, and delivering early means getting paid earlier, which isn’t a bad thing. But then he thought, since the client requests early delivery, according to the principle of reciprocity, should I also give some “cost” in return?

After careful consideration, the salesperson told the client, “Honestly, our company’s delivery schedule is based on the dates in the contract. If we are to deliver earlier, we need to reschedule, which is quite complicated.”

The client immediately understood and politely said, “We can pay an extra 1% fee as a return.”

In any negotiation, if both sides reach a deadlock, as long as one side lowers its stance, it implicitly signals to the other: “I have made concessions; you should also give a little.” At this point, the other party usually tacitly lowers their demands, reaching a consensus and ultimately achieving mutual benefit.

Moreover, the “principle of reciprocity” can also foster “coexistence thinking.” What is “coexistence thinking”?

In nature, many ecosystems depend on symbiotic relationships between species, such as corals and algae, anemones and clownfish, ants and certain plants—all have symbiotic relationships. They depend on each other and live closely together⋯ ⋯

Between people, there is also a “coexistence relationship.” Humans are social animals; only within a community can they survive better. Once separated from social groups, both their survival and psychological states can face crises.

In interactions with others, we should develop this kind of coexistence thinking—associating with excellent people, being subtly influenced, and gradually becoming better ourselves. If we are already quite excellent, then engaging with even more outstanding individuals can produce a coexistence effect, leading to greater achievements.

“Coexistence thinking” also teaches us: there are no eternal enemies in this world, only eternal interests. These interests are not only economic but also personal growth benefits. Putting interests first allows us to gain more benefits and growth. Even enemies can bring growth benefits to us.

The “principle of reciprocity” can help us better establish “coexistence relationships,” making our connections with others closer. However, when applying the “principle of reciprocity,” we should pay attention to a few issues:

First, learn to recognize purposeful acts of kindness from others. For things you dislike or do not accept, refuse promptly and do not do things against your will out of guilt.

Second, do not be endlessly kind to one person. This may lead to a “people-pleasing personality.” Even when helping others, it should be based on mutual benefit and equality, not at the expense of oneself or to please others.

Third, helping someone temporarily does not mean helping them forever. Long-term, unconditional help can foster dependence, making them feel your help is a given. When you stop helping, they may feel a huge gap. **$NOT **$NODE **$NOM **